Saturday, January 7, 2012

New Life

Today I am 22 weeks pregnant with a baby girl.  I've gotten pretty good at compartmentalizing so my doubts and fears only surface occasionally.  Although its difficult to think when you have to filter your thoughts so much.  But lack of a filter only results in being overwhelmed, under the covers, staring at the wall and thats no good.  I feel like I've done pretty good, I've only called the new baby Alice once.  Of course I can't keep the dreams away and my husband has had to wake me up more than once because I was sobbing in my sleep.   

I had a cerclage at 14 weeks to prevent what happened with the twins and I go for ultrasounds every two weeks.  Its nice seeing her so often but I feel like I'm going to my doom every time I have to go to the doctor's office.  They tell me everything's fine and I feel like a normal pregnant woman for a few days (well how I imagine a normal pregnant woman to feel, I don't have any experience in that field) and then the fear starts creeping in again.  This time last pregnancy I was flat on my back in the hospital having to ask for a bed pan every thirty minutes.  But as of my last appointment, everything is good so far.